My Boy Merkin

So Jonathan Sanchez actually pitched in a real major league game, not just in the Giants’ bullpen. Seventh inning Sunday, down 6-3, a semi-harmless moment. Three up, three down, three fly balls to the outfield.

I wasn’t there and haven’t seen it, but I have to trust Connie who was sitting in my seats for this second most historic moment of the game. She said he was 88-90, pitching high in the strike zone, and the hitters were swinging and lifting. Doesn’t sound like a pitcher you’d want in Colorado, but he could get away with it here at PacSBCAT&T Park.

Who knows if he’s going to be any good. OK, he doesn’t throw a sinker like Munter did, but that’s become a good thing, right? Clearly, he had a much better virgin outing that Merkin Valdez did a couple of years ago.

We don’t need to repeat any of the Merkin history. He didn’t just stink, he reeked. He’s got an ERA of 27 in the majors. And apparently despite practice at closing in AAA, he’s not ready for prime time even yet. He’s currently sporting a 5.21 ERA and a 1.95 WHIP for Fresno. Does he have a future here in San Francisco?

Ya got me. I will tell you what he does have. He’s got quite a name.

Do you boys out there (I don’t think there are many girls reading this, in fact, there aren’t too many boys reading it either) know what a “merkin” is? My Webster’s dictionary defines a merkin as “false hair for the female genitalia.”

A pussy toupee.

How do you name your kid Merkin? A male child? We’re talking about decades of therapists, I would think.

Of course, I don’t understand how someone could name their kid Richard and then nickname him “Dick.” I had a client once who worked for a company called “Richard Dick & Ass.” I’m not kidding, I saw the W-2. It’s hard to have a lot of respect for your boss while working there, I’d think.

There is a site called Merkin World where you can design your own merkin. Here is one of their merkins in the look of a target, which, of course, is pretty realistic since what’s underneath the merkin is kind of a target too.

And here’s a little link (click here) to a site that gives you way more information about merkins than you’ll ever need to be the toast of your next cocktail party. EEK, cocktail party! That’s a good one.