The Grand Tetons

I planned to write about something else today, and maybe I still will, but in a classic blogging moment, I must write about something I saw on TV which seems to have blossomed.

Several years ago we got one of those Sonicare toothbrushes, which shuts off after 2 minutes. For those of you who still use those old fashioned manual toothbrushes, I’ve got to tell you, 2 minutes is a long time. I just can’t make myself stand in front of the sink and hold that thing in my mouth for that long, just like I can’t watch commercials. So I have this habit of walking with the toothbrush into the next room and flipping on the TV.

This morning, I started brushing, and I flipped on the television, and saw that the Mets-Braves were on TBS, or TNT, or whichever of those Turner stations broadcasts the Braves games. The game was at Shea and it was the top of the second, one out, Brian McCann on second. That’s when I first saw who was pitching for the Mets.

I was at the game at Telephone Park when Brian Bannister pulled his hammy rounding third to score for the Mets last week. Yesterday the Mets’ starting pitching got thinner when Victor Zambrano left the game in the 2nd. I figured Aaron Heilman would be in the rotation, but with a second injury, I was wondering who else might be filling in.

So I looked at the screen, and I saw my grandpa. At least, I thought so. He looked about 60 years old, with yellow hair coming out of his cap like Bozo the Clown. And then I realized just how desperate the Mets are: it was Jose Lima.

He was throwing absolute garbage up to the plate. I don’t think he can throw 85 anymore. Every pitch has some sweep to it. Feel free to pick him up if you think you need some extra quality innings.

Ryan Langerhans hit a ball into the hole between the 1st and 2nd basemen. Kaz Matsui made a fine diving stop of the ball, but dropped it making the switch to his right hand as he got off the shallow right field grass, and Langerhans, running hard to first, was safe with a single, McCann moving to third. That’s when it got strange.

On the first pitch, John Smoltz missed the suicide squeeze sign. McCann was flying down the third base line. Smoltz realized he had screwed up and took a hurried swing, just barely brushing the ball, which went a few feet up the third base line. Loduca ran after the ball, picked it up and reached out to tag McCann on the hip. It was hard to tell if he got him as McCann tried to avoid the tag by leaning away from Loduca. But on the replay it was pretty clear that as he followed through with the ball, he got him on the heel as he went by.

Safe. Loduca went ballistic. He actually threw the ball down hard at the ground and started screaming at the umpire. The ump threw him out of the game immediately. But then Bobby Cox, never at a loss for words, started screaming at the umpire that Smoltz should have been awarded second base because by the time Loduca had thrown the ball, he had passed first base. So Cox got tossed. When was the last time a player on one team and the manager of the other team got thrown out of the game at the same time when there wasn’t a fight?

It got a little uglier for Lima. He just finished the 4th, and is down 3-1, having given up 5 hits and 4 walks. He has somehow struck out 4, with stuff not much better than mine.

It made me take a look at Jose’s history on the web. First, the most amazing stat: he’s only 34 years old. Didn’t you all think he was up there with Terry Mullholland and Julio Franco? Lifetime, he’s 89-98 with a 5.21 ERA. He’s struck out 968 batters in 1550 innings. His saving grace is that he’s only walked 383 batters. In 2004 he went 13-5 for the division winning Dodgers. Last season he was 5-16 for the Royals.

But we need to go behind the numbers. I was looking for a photo that resembled what I saw on the tube today, where he looked a bit like Walter Brennan as Amos McCoy in the Real McCoys. (“Luke, Luke, the barn!”) And in the process I found out about him singing the National Anthem for the Dodgers in 2004. The picture above is Lima singing that day.

But that’s not the whole story. I found a website (click here to be magically transported there - make sure to check out the signatures there) which identifies a serious conspiracy by Major League Baseball to cover up the whole story. It appears that the picture above has been cropped. In the original photo, below, Jose’s wife was standing next to him:


Nice picture of the Lima family.

That website has a petition that I hope you all will sign, complaining to the MLB about the picture cropping. The original picture is pure Americana. Let me quote:

“We, the undersigned, are shocked and appalled at the actions of Major League Baseball. Mrs. Lima's winnebagos are as much a national treasure as the Grand Tetons, and deserve to be held up as a symbol of the greatness of our land of milk and honey. Those boobs at Major League Baseball must think that all fans care about is whether a player gets to second base. They fail to recognize that, deep within its bosom, baseball is a family sport. Baseball is more than just grabbing a bat off the rack and taking your licks at the plate-- it's about playing catch with your Dad, and sucking down a cup of beer at the park with Mom. With the ballooning attendance figures of the 1980s a distant memory, baseball needs to remember what the game is all about: family.”

Sour Grapes formally endorses the petition poster, Farky McFarker. Farky’s the man. You go, boy. And, based on that picture, so do you, Jose.

The National Pasttime.