The Greatest Honor

I have to note in a moment of candor that I was notified on Wednesday night by Olaf, King of Sweden, that I have won the 2009 Nobel Prize for Fantasy Football. I had previously won this most prestigious of awards in 1986 in recognition of my invention of the internet.

Here is the text of the letter from King Olaf which I received notifying me of this great honor:

Dear Mr. PEFACommish:

Congratulations! You have been awarded the 2009 Nobel Prize for Fantasy Football in recognition of your successful proof of "The Shitty Running Back Theory." All of the Nobel Prize Committee members were stunned by the daring execution of the riskiest approach to Fantasy Football we have ever seen. This is certainly not a strategy for the faint of heart. We suspect your approach will not prove as popular as the 2008 winning Tight End Theory.

I had hoped to be there to announce the award in person as I did for the Colonel, the Inventor of the Tight End Theory. the Colonel was kind enough to stop here last week on his way to Africa. We shared a fine meal of tea and maple-bacon donuts. He is a great man, and he looks wonderful in his hat, which he assures me he will be wearing on his safaris.

I am sorry I am not able to be there with you and the fine men of the P&E Football Association to share this moment together. My attendance last year was the highlight of my life. Well, to be honest, it was second to expelling the Nazis from my homeland in 1945.

Unfortunately, the world wide recession has hit my country hard. We could not afford the airfare to San Francisco. In fact, it is so bad, that we can't afford any new hats. This is probably why you won. You were the only nominee in 2009 to already have a hat. Let's be frank: your theory has got to be about the stupidest concept to ever win any league championship. I believe this says a lot about the quality of your competition. Please remember to invite me to your next poker game.

Things are so bad here that we could not even afford to send you a self-adhesive plaque for your hat. I am assured by our brilliant Swedish scientists that Scotch tape will work just fine.

Again, congratulations on becoming the first two time winner of the Nobel Prize. I look forward with curiosity and trepicdation to the implementation of your next successful theory of fantasy football.

Royally yours,

Oly

PS: We would have also awarded this prize to your partner Shemp, but as I said, we ran out of hats.