Speaking of Turkeys

OK, Rotisserie fans: what is this semi-recent historical pitching line worth?

Innings – 216
Wins – 17
ERA – 3.75
WHIP – 1.259

That’s a pretty good line, don’t you think? To put it in perspective, Edison Volquez’s 2008 season stats were fairly similar: 196/17/3.21/1.327. We’d all say Volquez had a pretty darn good season.

I’ll tell you the who and the when in a minute. But first, I’ve got a story.

Did you ever start a book, read a little, like it, but for some reason put it down for a long time before picking it up again? When it first came out early in 2006, I bought “Fantasyland” by Sam Walker, the sports business reporter for The Wall Street Journal. Walker, who had never played fantasy baseball, talked his way into 2004 Tout Wars, and wrote the story of the season.

I liked the first couple of chapters, and even blogged about it. But I put it down, in a magazine rack next to my bed where it sat for 2-1/2 years. After all, he only talked his way into AL Tout Wars. Feh. So I put it down “for a while.” In the meantime, I have no idea how many sports books (no less all books) I’ve read in the interim – the Buck book, “1941”, “The Match”, 3 baseball books by Halberstam, a book about the Gashouse Gang, Feinstein’s book about Red Auerback, and the recent “War as They Knew It” about the Ohio State-Michigan football rivalry. Those are the ones I remember off hand. BTW – all highly recommended.

I picked up “Fantasyland” again last week. I don’t know why, but it was still there, next to the bed, along with a couple of books I’ll never touch again except to put them on a bookshelf, and my copy of 2008 Fantasy Football Index.

What was I thinking? This book is hilarious, particularly if you’ve ever played fantasy baseball. Walker is the only day to day sports reporter for a newspaper in the league, and he had the theory that his press pass access to baseball insiders and players gave him an advantage that fantasy nuts and sabermeticians lack. I’m only half way through it, but I’m pretty sure it’s now full speed ahead.

Early in the book he went to all of the spring training camps of the AL teams, asking questions with the intent on getting the real skinny for his fantasy team. At one camp he chatted with that pitcher whose stats from the previous year are listed above. After his conversation he came to the conclusion that this guy was going to be an overrated pitcher in the Tout Wars auction.

At the auction, he came up with his personal drafting theory. The Doc and I have had some of those theories. Who remembers the season we had a great keeper list (or so we thought), and decided to blow off steals right out of the draft? We spent all of our money on BA, power and pitching. Tony Gwynn led our team in steals, as we got only 1 point in the category. We were miles behind the next team. Unfortunately, our pitching staff featured Jim Bullinger AND Steve Traschel, and a bunch of guys who had crummy years. That was a concept.

Walker’s theory for the season was that the Tout Wars experts do not pay up for the best pitching. He’s probably right about that. You’ve got to cheat somewhere, and there is a tendency in these expert drafts to cheat on top pitchers. So right out of the blocks he bought his top two starters and Mariano Rivera. The strategy did not apparently work in the end, but it did send shockwaves through the auction, changing everyone’s approach to pitching thereafter. The other new guy in AL Tout Wars that year did exactly the same thing with hitting, and it ended up screwing up everyone in the room.

So after Walker locked up the base of his pitching, he decided to throw out the name of the above pitcher with the excellent stats, and get someone to overpay for him. Unfortunately, they have a little tradition in Tout Wars. Since everyone is supposed to be an expert, it’s considered “churlish” to throw out a relatively valuable player for a buck. So wanting not to look bad, Walker announced the following opening bid:

“Sidney Ponson for 12 dollars.”

Crickets.

“The fat hobbit,” one guy cracked.

You Giants fans will remember Sidney Ponson and his 17 wins in 2003. He finished the season in San Francisco, a trade deadline pickup by Sabean. He pitched game 2 in the NLDS against the Marlins. He got the loss, going 5 innings and giving up 7 hits and 4 earned runs. It was his last appearance ever for the Giants, or so we can all hope.

“Going once.”

Guys were hiding behind their laptops.

“Going twice.”

Walker was in full panic.

“Sold.”

I love the conclusion to this story. Here is a guy who is trying to look like he knows what he is doing. He’s just made a brutal rookie mistake. His hired helpers have their heads in their hands. I quote:

“My response to this horrible development is to clench a fist and shout “Yes!” as if I had just matched three apples on a scratch-off lottery ticket. There was no sense in moping. If I ever wanted to trade Ponson, I had to create the impression for the table that owning him is a kick in the pants.”

We’ve all done this, though probably not with such flair. In 2006 we opened Braden Looper (set up man for the Cards, it was projected) at $5 and heard crickets. But we wanted Looper, we just wish he had been cheaper. And hell, he was worth the $5 – he got us 9 wins and his numbers were very good. We probably would have kept him, but the Cards moved him into the rotation in 2007, making us think we had a new version of Sidney Ponson.

This is what Walker got from Ponson in 2004: 216 Innings, 11-15, 5.30 ERA, 1.549 WHIP.

To compare, Bullinger’s line in 1997 when we had him was pretty similar: 155/7-12/5.56/1.539. He pitched 5-2/3 innings in 1998 and never pitched in the majors again. Traschel pitched much better: 201/8-12/4.51/1.460. He’s still around.

Nothing like a quick trip down memory lane.