The Ugliest Fantasy Win Ever

My 12 year old grandnephew Danny is in town this weekend. He’s not much of a sports fan, but I’m resolved to work on that, and we’ll be going to his first major league baseball game Sunday at Telephone Park. Travel Mug Day.

In preparation for this momentous event, we watched the last 3 innings of the Giants game last night. When it was over, I switched the 43” Pioneer HD to Comcast channel 719, INHD, where they were playing the Braves-Padres game in high def. We tuned in during the eighth inning with the score 9-8 Padres.

Trevor Hoffman came in for “Trevor Time” (don’t blame me, that’s what they call it). Hoffman has been lights out all year until the all-star game, but the new trend continued as he gave up the tying and winning runs with two outs. Brian Sikorski (who the hell is that guy?) came in and gave up an insurance run, and the Padres went to the bottom of the ninth down 11-9.

In came Pickled Peckler Whore Hey Sow Suh to close it out for the Braves. Little Danny: “Is that Sammy Sosa?” Not Sammy Sosa was throwing consistently at 94+. He opened the inning by getting Adrian Gonzalez to flyout (Gonzalez already had hit two homers in the game). He then walked Kahlil Greene, and then got Mark Bellhorn on a long fly ball to right center.

With Greene on second (not sure how he got there), he faced new Pickled Peckler Josh Barfield. With a 2-1 count, Barfield started fouling off some nasty sliders low and outside. Five desperation hacks later, Barfield grounded the 2-2 pitch into centerfield to make the score 11-10. Josh Bard ripped a shot down the first base line off the glove of Adam LaRoche, barely fair. It rolled through the bullpen area. Barfield was flying around the bases. Francoeur hit the cutoff man, who threw a strike to the plate just in time to get Barfield, but McCann dropped the ball. Tie score, blown save, Sosa.

In the top of the tenth, LaRoche led off with his second second homer of the night to give the Braves the lead again. In the inning the Braves let Sosa bat for himself with a man on first. He popped a bunt foul on the first pitch, let strike two go by in bunting position, and then on the 0-2 count, put a perfect bunt down the first base line.

So after having thrown 30 pitches in the ninth, Sosa came out for the tenth. He immediately walked B. Giles (M. Giles was in the game for the Braves too) and then gave up a flair pinch hitter Rob Bowen, putting runners at the corners with no outs. Gonzalez then grounded into a 4-6-3 double play, Giles scoring the tying run in the process. Blown win, Sosa. He then got the third out of the inning after a few more theatrics (ie, base runners).

At this point, I shut off the TV. I couldn’t take it anymore, and it was past our bedtimes. Both teams were out of pitchers – Pickled Peckler Clay Hensley, scheduled to start on Tuesday, came in for the 11th, the Padres ninth pitcher of the game. According to the paper today, Hensley proceeded to give up three more runs. Tyler Yates, the 8th pitcher for the Braves, came in to relieve Sosa and got the save.

Winning Pitcher, Whore Hey Sow Suh, record now 3-10.

BABI boys, he’s very available. Need some ugly saves and wins? Drop us an email.