My Hero, The Ball Dude

I was listening to the new guy on the KNBR evening show who replaced the brain dead slop announcer they fired tonight. He was announcing the best entries in his “Win an Entry to the Giants’ Ball Dude Camp” Contest. The rules were that you had to write an essay of less than fifty words stating why you should win.

Some of the letters were really nice. One guy wrote a sweet entry asking for his father, a hard-working Giants fan who couldn’t afford to go to many games. He described him as “the man who has given me everything.” Great entry, but he lost on a technicality – his entry was over 50 words.

My favorite letter was from one of the 3 finalists, whose letter was something like: “Why Me? Why not! I’m off that day, and I hate Marvin Benard.”

Short and sweet.

The winner was a 5th grade teacher who practices his ball dude skills by being a ball dude for the kick ball games on the playground. Furthermore, he uses kick ball statistics to teach math. A worthy winner.

Still, I’m sorry I never followed through on my plan to send an entry in recommending the Colonel. It would have gone something like this:

This essay is for my dear friend, Colonel Lee Tyree. He organized his friends to buy Giants’ seat licenses, making me a partial season ticket holder. Most important, the Colonel is my hero, a modest man who protected his country in an era when those doing so got spit on.

50 words exactly. That, folks, is a winning entry. The Colonel could kick that kick ball teacher’s ass.