Assman on the Pecklers

The Education of a Rotisserie Champion
(or How the Pecklers learned to win in Rotisserie Baseball)

By Dr. Howard Cooperman (AKA “Assman”, AKA Larry Kuhn)

In several past years, the Pickled Pecklers started the season well, with strong statistical starts (even from some unorthodox pitchers). In many seasons they were major contenders until around July. Then it seemed the inevitable slide would occur. The Pecklers would start to look like a setting sun, slowly fading to black as the eventual winners made the moves they needed to catch and pass the seemingly hapless Pecklers. They had many upper division finishes, but appeared to not have what it took to reach the top.

Though this was by no means a tragedy, I can recall many conversations with other owners when the Pecklers were dismissed as a contender. They had seen the Pecklers second half behavior and expected them to continue to fall away whenever their team began to contend. The Pecklers got less respect than they deserved.

So cut to this year. What are the differences? The Pecklers learned something and it shows in their team this year. In my opinion, there is a minor factor, the computer, and a major factor, the development of audacity.

The Computer:
This year the Pecklers brought a computer to the draft. They will say that this was not a big factor in their success at the draft, but I’m not sure I agree. I KNOW the computer helped them because it made them focus. Previously the Pecklers have joked and jeered and kept up a running commentary during the auction. Not this time. You could hear a pin drop at their table (or a bottle drop on Larry’s). That focus paid off big time with a well balanced lineup (they’ve also spent less money on transactions than almost anyone). And they didn’t take big chances on questionable pitchers (although they might have if Bullinger was available). Focus made the difference and the computer required focus.

Audacity:
Often in the past a trade conversation with a Peckler would end with a promise by that Peckler to speak to the other Peckler and consider a deal. Almost never did they want to trade real value and they had a tendency to fall in love with their prospects. That is why in past years they did not strike while the iron was hot. This left them literally out in the cold; they missed out on the players they needed to acquire via trade. They acted as though they weren’t SURE they wanted to go for it. They seemed almost afraid to take a chance and then finish second. This year all of that has changed.

This year they are exhibiting Audacity. They are doing whatever they need to do to win, like trading Milledge (though perhaps the fact he almost ended up in the AL in July had something to do with that). And hopefully tonight (I’m writing this on August 31 around 10 PM) they are trading me Farnsworth who is at a very good price if he holds the closer job in Atlanta). As Josh and Seth would no doubt say this year, “keepers be damned”.

So the Pecklers ARE different this year and it REALLY is a big difference. And from now on, they can never again be disrespected, at least when they are contenders.

As a past winner (as well as whiner), I think you need four things to win the Championship of Rotisserie. Those things are:

1. Knowledge – of the players and the other owners
2. Discipline – at the auction to not get carried away
3. Audacity – the willingness to go for it at all cost
4. Luck – too many injuries will negate all of the above

So Good Luck all you contenders. It is an exciting race even for those who are out of it. We losers just don’t give a shit who wins. Best of luck to the Pounders, the Bats, the Lickers, the Cappers, the Leaguers, Any 9 and yes, the suddenly audacious Pecklers.