Karonka

It sounds like a Three Stooges sound effect.

John Karonka was the starting pitcher for Texas yesterday against the Giants. He didn’t seem like all that much, but after allowing a quick run in the second inning, he started mowing them down, and did not allow a Giant baserunner after the third. Unfortunately for Karonka, he was done in by his replacement, “Wrong Way” Feldman, who gave up the winning small ball rally in the eighth: Ellison walk, Alfonzo sacrifice, and a two out single by Vizquel (off Cordero).

Trivia question: Wrong Way Feldman is an obscure reference to a one episode character on an old television show. Anybody got that one?

It was a nice battling pitching performance by Schmidt, who lowered his ERA to 2.73 and likely locked up his role as the Giants’ representative at the all-star game. He wasn’t sharp, but he got the job done. Jeremy Accardo pitched a nice enough ninth for the save, though it was disappointing to see him walk a guy with two outs after getting to a 1-2 count.

There was one brilliant play in the game, though it made none of the web gem listings. With runners at first and second and one out, Karonka bunted down the third base line. Peter Happy charged in from third and threw to Vizquel at third to get the runner there. Vizquel then gunned out the runner at first with Durham covering for the charging Niekro, resulting in your garden variety 5-6-4 double play.

Meanwhile, the Giants’ batting order was:

Winn, Vizquel, Niekro, Durham, Feliz, Finley, Ellison and Alfonzo. Imagine that lineup in October going up against the Red Sox. The best thing you can say is that it’s a pretty good fielding lineup. The Giants starters now have the 2nd lowest ERA in baseball, and it’s a good thing.

Fantistics made the following comment about Carlos Lee today:

Carlos Lee is making himself the top free agent to be this off-season. Lee had another good game at the plate on Thursday in Chicago and thanks to Albert Pujols being sidelined in June Lee is a top candidate for the National League MVP race at the moment.

I remember saying that early this season and one Cool Cat said in the early edition of the BABI News (mid-season issue coming soon?) that it was ridiculous. Maybe so, but let me just say: “Bite me.”

Now that he’s been an Old Rip for 4 days, how many of you has Boof called about Freddie Sanchez?

In that vein, I want to write something here about Felipe Lopez just to piss off Boof. He’s the most overrated keeper prospect in BABI. Boof thinks he’s worth about 8 guys, but you’ve got to extend him next year to probably $12. He’s a nice player, and we took him in the Meat League, even though steals is not a category there. Season totals to date: .271-9-30-22. But his June numbers are only .242-4-11-6. And… he’s a free agent. You could give away half your team for him and end up hearing nothing but “Karonka.”

Getaway Game Notes

I’m heading out to the getaway game in a few minutes, but saw a few notes on Fantistics that warrant some comments.

It was a busy day for Lance Niekro, who took Alou's roster spot. Niekro had been with Triple-A Fresno on an injury-rehab assignment (right groin) and hit two home runs in day game at Sacramento, and then jumped in a car and drove to AT&T Park. Niekro said he got the call at about 5:45 p.m. and was in the dugout by the second inning.

I love the idea of playing in a minors-majors doubleheader, but despite hotfooting it to the park, he never made it into the game.

Armando Benitez reported his sore right elbow felt better during a bullpen session Wednesday, although the team's closer probably won't pitch in a game until at least this weekend. He is scheduled for another side session Friday. "I want to be completely healed to try to do my job," Benitez said.

Is the temporary closer Worrell or Accardo? Probably the latter. I can’t believe they still have the former on the roster.

Right-hander Brad Hennessey will start the second game of the doubleheader Saturday at San Diego.

I’m very interested in how Hennessey pitches in a spot start. He’s pitched very well this season, and could be in the rotation next year.

A short item in the Chicago Tribune indicated Brewers leftfielder Carlos Lee told friends he would be interested in playing for the Cubs next year, should he make it to free agency. Lee kept his house here after being traded from the White Sox to the Brewers after the 2004 season. Lee confirmed he made the Cubs comment. ... The item also said Lee is looking for a five-year deal for around $75 million. "I didn't say that," said Lee.

He’d look awfully good here in San Francisco compared to those geriatrics in the Giant outfield.

Michael Barrett's 10-game suspension for punching A.J. Pierzynski ends Friday - just in time for the Cubs' catcher to play in what pro-mises to be an emotionally charged rematch with the White Sox.

Watch out. Now he’s really mad.

Say what you want about the aging catcher, but Mike Piazza has 11 HR this season as a Padre, ranking first in HR for all NL catchers and 2nd in the majors (just 4 behind Ramon Hernandez). He's not going to put up huge numbers, evident in his .264 Avg, .324 OBP, and 31 RBI. But he is on pace to hit about 23 HR this season, which isn't too bad for a "washed-up" catcher.

Phil Nevin has 14 homers and qualifies at catcher. In fact, he qualifies at C, 1B and now OF. (That's an unpaid advertisement.)

Brewers second baseman Rickie Weeks made a nice charging play and off-balance throw to get speedy Juan Pierre on an infield dribbler leading off the bottom of the first. Weeks also ranged into shallow right to grab Lee's grounder in the third and throw him out. Weeks also came within a hair of robbing Pierre on a grounder up the middle in the fifth inning.

I think Barry especially liked Weeks for his defense.

The Rocky Mountain News reports that "With 40 RBI, Clint Barmes leads NL shortstops."

Surprising, given he’s been hitting like total crap. I’d probably say it says a lot about the NL shortstops, but 40 RBI’s in half a season isn’t a bad total.

Starter Brett Myers asked for a leave of absence Monday until the All-Star break to resolve personal issues stemming from his arrest Friday in Boston for allegedly hitting his wife on the street. That left the Phillies a starter short and with 24 men on the 25-man roster. They optioned Myers to Class A Clearwater yesterday and placed him on the Temporary Inactive List. He will take care of his personal business, assistant general manager Ruben Amaro Jr. said, then he will report to Florida to try to get back into game shape for his return, July 14 at the earliest. There is no firm time frame for Myers to head to Florida.

Punchline to the most sexist joke in the world: “Because they f*^%ing deserve it it."

Finally, I saw Patrick O’Bryant play for Bradley against Memphis in the Sweet Sixteen in Oakland. He was clearly Bradley’s best player, but Memphis just had too many big, fast guys, and they killed Bradley. I do remember saying that he looked pretty good, and he’s definitely big. I also remember saying the same thing a few years back during the NCAA tournament about Mississippi State star Erick Dampier.

It’s nice and clear…gonna be a lovely day. I hope the Giants can win their first weekday game of the season.

Foul!

One of my seat license partners, Dale, sent an email to us today about last night's Giants game. I had a tennis match that ended after 10 PM, so I didn't see any of the game. In fact, I saw the final score on the TV in the club bar as I was sucking down my post match beer.

Without his permission, I quote:

Patty and I saw an unusual Giants game last night! There were four ejections (all Texas Rangers) and (following a Giants bullpen meltdown) a disputed call cost the Rangers a come-back victory.

In the ninth inning, with two outs and the tying runs in scoring position (following terrible pitching and fielding by the Giants) the Texas Rangers first baseman, Mark Teixeira, hit a line drive down the first base foul line. The first base umpire called it foul, though the Ranger's bullpen and Mr. Teixeira were convinced it was fair. When Teixeira protested, he was ejected from the game.

I don't think I've ever seen a player ejected from a game while at-bat, and with the game on the line. We felt sorry for the pinch hitter who had to replace him with two strikes and all the turmoil going on. He wound up flying out to left field, and the Giants won the game.

Last night's game could be the start of a new rivalry -- between the Texas Rangers and this umpiring crew.

Dumping

This is purely about fantasy baseball. If you're not interested, be forewarned.

This entry began as an email, but since Noel and Hank hate lots of chatty emails, I'm going to post my thoughts here.

The Old Bat sent Derrick Lee (dead contract), Mike Lamb (3-08), Jamey Carroll (dead contract) and Aaron Rowand (29-08) to Kenny 9 for Rickie Weeks (5-07F). This is an acknowledged dump deal of the first order.

There is no doubt that Kenny 9 received an absurd amount of value for Rickie Weeks. Weeks is a nice enough player, but as a value for next year at either $5 for one year of $15 for two years, he’s a decent keeper but certainly not special, even if he matures into the 20-30 player Barry expects (hopes is more like it). Having suggested we’re ready to dump, we never considered Weeks as a target.

The question is: Is this deal bad for BABI?

My opinion: on balance, no. But it’s not good for BABI.

Barry made a deal with a team that today is in 7th place with only 47 points. If he had made this deal with the Cappers or the Rips, I would be furious, because it would have irreparably affected the race to the detriment of this league. But in dealing with a team in the middle, far from the top, this deal will not significantly change the race for first. This is why we have initially focused on teams in the middle in looking to make a deal.

There is talk that the "prices" have been set in dump deals for this year, although I admit that it has been primarily Ken who has been saying that. Bull. The Pecklers are not going to deal 4 of our guys for Felipe Lopez or Ryan Howard unless two of them are Reggie Abercrombie and Eliezer Alfonzo. We'd rather play for this year, even if we're only playing for 7th place. Each team that is dumping can make its own decision on this, but we would hope that they do not feel the pressure Barry and Kevin felt in what is clearly a buyers’ market.

So I don't care what Barry decided to do. His deal will not have a permanent affect on this league. Neither will Kevin's deal. As long as each dumper makes a deal that does not affect the integrity of the league and the race, each team is a free agent to do whatever they feel is in their best interest, even if they get fleeced.

What bothers me most about this deal, though, is that Ken should have known this deal was going to make everyone mad. Ken made a deal that he would never have made if he was dumping. Ken once quoted me a max of 3-2. Buddy, it works both ways.

I was offered a deal last year that would have helped us enormously. I turned it down because it was too rich, and that decision cost us money. I love Ken like a brother (don’t flatter yourself, I don’t care much for brothers), but he should have policed himself in this deal. I’m not envious. I’m disappointed. There is probably a good reason we’ve never done a deal with him.

As I have written before, I would just ask each dumper to be responsible in thoroughly marketing their players and to consider how their deal will affect the entire league. And I would add that dumpees have a responsibility to the sensitivities of the league as well. If you don’t, then Boof’s prediction of more trading rules will come true. I’ve already heard about 28 rules proposals on trading from Larry Dot Net today.

Furthermore, all inefficiencies of the market will ultimately lead to continued domination by the Busch Leaguers.

Finally, if you guys really want to make deals like this, we're tied for 10th. Dumping to us cannot possibly affect the league. Feel free to offer us 4 players for Brandon Webb. Make us that offer, and we’ll be happy to admit that we’re full of shit.

My Top Ten

Lefty wrote about his favorite moments at Giant games and it made me think about the great sporting events I’ve attended in my almost 54 years. I’ve definitely seen some classics, enough that the Brian Johnson game and Will Clark up the middle off Mitch Williams didn’t make the top ten. Here they are:

10 - Joe DiMaggio’s last homerun. It was in a Yankee old-timer game in the late sixties, but Joe himself was in his late fifties. They gave him an extra pitch to swing at, and he showed that long, sweet swing and put one into the left field bleachers at the Stadium. Now that I’m approaching the age that Joe hit that homer, it’s even more impressive.

9 - The Knicks score the last 16 points of a game in 1971 (or so) to beat the Alcindor-led Bucks by a point.

8 - Games 2 and 3, 1975 NBA finals. Both games were come from behind wins over the Bullets on the way to a sweep. The games were played in the Cow Palace because the Oakland Arena was booked for a circus, or ice dancing, or what not. To this day, the greatest Cinderella team in pro sports history.

7 - Steve Young gets the monkey off his back as the Niners beat the Cowboys in the 1995 NFC championship game. That was the loudest outdoor event I’ve ever attended.

6 -Mets pennant clincher, 1969. Al Polak and I cut school to go to see the game. I saw Mr. O’Connell, my track coach there. It’s not as if he could turn us in for ditching school.

5 - Affirmed wins the Belmont, 1978 by a nose over Alydar. The last triple crown. I’ve still got an uncashed win ticket on him in mint condition.

4 - The Play. I saw it, but had no idea what the hell was going on.

3 - Jim Bunning’s perfect game, Fathers’ Day, 1964. It was the first game of a double header. With two outs in the first inning of the second game, a Met walked and got a standing ovation. This was the first game I ever personally bought the tickets for.

2 - Secretariat wins the Belmont, 1973 by 31 lengths. Broke the track record by over 2 seconds. The first triple crown in 25 years. And to commemorate it, the 2-5 exacta paid over $50.

1 - Warriors win the western conference, 1975, game 7 against the Bulls. The loudest event I’ve ever attended. They came back from 19 down to win it and go on to the finals against the Bullets. I’d pay real money to get a tape of that game. Al Attles said it was the greatest game he’s ever seen, and he was there when Wilt scored 100. In fact, he and Wilt hold the record for most points in a game by a pair of teammates – 117.

Some day I’ll write about meeting the Three Stooges.

Deadwood

I haven’t written anything for a week, so it was convenient that the Doc came out of the wood work to contribute something.

The reason I haven’t written is that I have spent the last 10 days watching HBO’s Deadwood. All of it, from the beginning. I’ve been a regular since inception, but my wife watched the first episode and claimed she didn’t like it. It took me two years, but I finally convinced her to give it another try.

A week ago Friday we began power-watching the series from episode number 1 on DVD. Every night and through the two weekends, episode after episode. Wild Bill’s murder, the Garret gold find, Mr. Woo’s complaint about the two cocksuckers and later the San Francisco cocksucker, Swearingen’s fight with Bullock, Swearingen’s gleets, Wolcott’s adventure at the Chez Amie, and the appearance of George Hearst.

And Sunday, on to Season 3. Last night, after 10 diligent days, we watched this week’s episode completely caught up. I particularly liked Mr. Woo’s new outfit. If you are not a fan of the series, you’re missing some of the best television ever broadcast. I’m even thinking about changing Max’s name to “Swedgin.”

Something had to give, and it was Sour Grapes. In the interim I saw the Giants lose another weekday game. Have they won one yet? I don’t think so. I’ve watched them on tv a couple of times, enough to recognize the mediocrity.

John Perricone of Only Baseball Matters got it exactly right on June 14:

The Giants are unwatchable. They are a train wreck, a debacle. It's not
that they are old. It's not that they're slow. It's not that their record has
been at or near .500 all season long. It's not that Bonds is done. It's not that
they are wasting some damn good pitching, losing ground when they should be
gaining.

It's all of it.

There is not a single player on this team to get excited about for the future, not on the team or even in the organization. Every weak team has someone who you can point to and say “He’s going to be great.” Prince Fielder. Ryan Howard. Matt Holiday. Brandon Webb. Lastings Milledge. Half of the Marlins’ starting lineup.

We’ve got Matt Cain. Get real.

Not that Cain doesn’t have talent, but he’s a rookie pitcher. As a fantasy player for a couple of decades I know that you don’t want to base your team’s future on a rookie pitcher. He’s still a prospect, a prospect with a 5.20 ERA.

Meanwhile, Boo-nitez is the standard bearer for the rest of this over age, over paid team. Does anyone actually get excited about Peter Happy coming to the plate ready to swing at the first curve ball? The fastest Giant since Deion Sanders, Randy Winn, has 3 stolen bases (and has been caught 6 times.) Finley. Durham. Moises “DL” Alou. Unwatchable, except for Omar in the field.

Dead wood.

Hardly any of these guys will be on this team in 2008, possibly not a single hitter. The rebuild job is going to be enormous, and they’ve got nothing in the minors to help. Giants management is going to be whining, too, because they’ve got a LOT of money in deferred contracts yet to pay. The good news is there will be a lot more ticket money coming in, maybe as much as $20 million per year, with the increase in season ticket prices beginning next year.

If they keep selling season tickets. Was that good news or bad news?

Meanwhile, the Pickled Pecklers have pretty much hit the skids. Everything had to go right for us to have a chance, and that is a statistical impossibility. Of course, 24 hours after the draft we lost Ryan Klesko. There is irony there: in our first ever BABI draft, we bought Klesko for $16. He had a nice year, a keepable contract, and was the best value we bought in that auction. We’ve always liked him for that.

The bum.

So this team we’ve designed to dismantle, last in homers, last in RBI’s, unwatchable, will soon be dismantled. Our dead wood: Carlos Lee, Scott Rolen, Tom Glavine, Michael Barrett (the 10 days was worth it), Phil Nevin, Ryan Dempster, Raffy Furcal…hey, we’re a lot more interesting to watch than the Giants. And we’re not raising our ticket prices next year.

Come and get it.

Barry's No Putz

From one of the greatest books ever published, Leo Rosten’s “The Joys of Yiddish”:

Putz

Rhymes with “nuts.”

Literally, putz is vulgar slang for “penis.” But the vulgarism is rarely used to designate the member; the word shmuck does that.

As used, puts is a term of contempt for:
1. A fool, an ass, a jerk.
2. A simpleton or yokel; an easy mark.

CAUTION: Putz is not to be used lightly, or when women or children are around. It is more offensive than shmuck; the later may be used in a teasing and affectionate way, vulgar though it is, but putz has a perjorative ambience.

Last night with the Mariners leading 5-4 with two out and two on in the eighth, Seattle brought in their relatively new closer, J.J. Putz. Putz took over the closing duties from Eddie Guardado (who had pitched the 7th inning, looking impressive) last month. Putz is a big boy, at 6’ 5”, and 245 pounds, and he closed out the eighth with an impressive strikeout of Randy Winn, displaying absolutely electric stuff. How electric? He’s got 45 strikeouts and only 6 walks in 33 innings, batters are hitting .222 against him, and he’s only given up 1 homer this season.

In the 9th, Putz got Omar Vizquel to ground out, and then struck out oh for five Ray Durham, setting up a classic confrontation with Barry Bonds. Barry already had a homer in the game, and has looked healthier lately than he has since 2004. The announcers were debating the strategy of walking Bonds, but forget it – this is Putz. Putz was ready to challenge Barry.

His first pitch was 99mph and Barry, swinging late, fouled it back. Second pitch 100 mph off the outside corner. At this point, I actually moved to the edge of my chair and thought, “This is great! I’ve got to write about this!” He got strike two on a nasty 92 mph slider, reminiscent of Robb Nen’s great slider. There aren’t too many pitchers throwing 92 mph sliders. Another fastball away, and another slider, and the count was 3 and 2. The crowd was on it’s feet roaring, with everyone including Barry expecting another 100 mph pitch. Putz threw another slider in on Barry, who never took the bat off his shoulder.

Game over. A great showdown. Believe me, you guys with AL fantasy teams, that Putz is for real. I bet Barry thinks so too. Meanwhile, the Giants have that clown Fatmondo as their closer, who isn’t as good as Guardado, Soriano or Putz, the Mariners who took care of the last three innings. It makes you realize that these Giants are pretenders, lucky to be in a weak division.

My Hero, The Ball Dude

I was listening to the new guy on the KNBR evening show who replaced the brain dead slop announcer they fired tonight. He was announcing the best entries in his “Win an Entry to the Giants’ Ball Dude Camp” Contest. The rules were that you had to write an essay of less than fifty words stating why you should win.

Some of the letters were really nice. One guy wrote a sweet entry asking for his father, a hard-working Giants fan who couldn’t afford to go to many games. He described him as “the man who has given me everything.” Great entry, but he lost on a technicality – his entry was over 50 words.

My favorite letter was from one of the 3 finalists, whose letter was something like: “Why Me? Why not! I’m off that day, and I hate Marvin Benard.”

Short and sweet.

The winner was a 5th grade teacher who practices his ball dude skills by being a ball dude for the kick ball games on the playground. Furthermore, he uses kick ball statistics to teach math. A worthy winner.

Still, I’m sorry I never followed through on my plan to send an entry in recommending the Colonel. It would have gone something like this:

This essay is for my dear friend, Colonel Lee Tyree. He organized his friends to buy Giants’ seat licenses, making me a partial season ticket holder. Most important, the Colonel is my hero, a modest man who protected his country in an era when those doing so got spit on.

50 words exactly. That, folks, is a winning entry. The Colonel could kick that kick ball teacher’s ass.

In Your Heart You Know He’s Right

For those millions of you reading this who are less than 50, that was the slogan of Barry Goldwater in his ill-fated 1964 presidential campaign. Lyndon Johnson, riding the Kennedy Love Train, kicked his ass, but it was the beginning of the end for the Democratic Party’s control of the world. The Dems have only won 3 presidential elections since Johnson (Carter once and Clinton twice).

Barry was quite the colorful character and campaigner. He was famous for lines no one would ever say on the campaign trail. “I’d like to saw off the eastern seaboard and let it float out to sea” became the basis for a hilarious Johnson commercial. My personal favorite was “I’d like to lob one into the men’s room at the Kremlin.” The funny thing is at the time he seemed like an extremist conservative nut, but today he’d be considered a moderate. I miss “Good Republicans” like Barry.

What does this have to do with baseball? Nothing, really, but I wanted to use that title to refer to the other Barry’s first right field home run of the season, hit last night in Arizona. As Kruk described it, he hit a one-iron down the right field line that barely cleared the fence. His other 8 homers this year have all been belt-high outside pitches crushed with an open stance (at point of impact) to center and left-center. Last night, Barry pulled the ball with power for the first time in 2006.

He says his knee is starting to feel better, although he wasn’t pretty Tuesday night stealing that homer from Eric Byrnes. I think his knee has been hurting when he tries to turn on the ball, which is why he lost his pulling power. Instead, he’s been hitting a tennis shot – the open forehand, wherein his power comes from his hips pulling through. It’s the modern homerun swing, where the hips open up first, followed by the back arm and shoulder as the hitter hits up on the ball. Watch Roger Federer hit his forehand. That’s the way Barry has been swinging. Last night, Barry stayed down on the ball, and his arms were not behind his hips, but swinging with them.

It could be a sign that Barry really is getting better. And not a moment too soon, because this team still has a chance. They are messed up in lots of ways, but the NL West, despite all 5 teams still being over .500, is still just the NL West. No team is very far over .500, and every team seems to have issues. And assuming the team can stay healthy (a big if), they are only one hitter away from having a real lineup. Of course, that hitter is, say, Soriano instead of Durham, but it’s still only one guy. The pitching might be just enough, save Fatmondo.

The concept of 300 HR’s and 300 SB’s sure got cheapened this week. I like Steve Finley. Nice player, nice guy (it seems). But before this week there were just 4 guys: Willie, Barry, Bobby and Andre Dawson, the #1 guy on my list of “How Can These Guys Not be in the Hall of Fame.” That was some pretty elite company. Now not only are we adding Steve Finley, a “nice” player, but also Reggie Sanders, who nobody wants for more than one year. Neither of these guys are going to last more than one year on the Hall voting list, like Will Clark, who was unceremoniously bumped off this year.

Finley, in his 18th season, has a career .273 average, and is bearing down on 2,500 hits. He’s the classic example of a decent player who has accumulated career numbers because he has kept himself in great shape, has avoided major injuries, and is still productive at 40. He’s never been among the best players in the league. Hell, he’s never been the best player on his own team. He was 9th once in homers, 10th in the MVP balloting once, and has a few Gold Gloves. He’s never led the league in anything but triples, but he’s always among the league leaders in games and at bats. Steve Finley is durable. Durable is not sexy.

Reggie Sanders hasn’t even been durable, having never played in more than 140 games. He got his 1,600th hit this season, a number no one pays attention to. He’s been an all-star only once, in his career year of 1995, when he had 28 homers, 99 RBI’s, 36 steals, hit .306 and slugged .579. The only thing he’s ever led the league in is strikeouts, though he reached 3 World Series in 4 years with 3 different teams, including the Giants in 2002. And he played for 7 different teams in 7 years, from 1998-2004. His BR comparable players are a list of guys who had their moments, but none of whom will be remembered very long (Mondesi, E. Davis, Lankford, Burnitz, Gant).

By the way, they were teammates on the champion 2001 Dbacks. If I remember correctly, didn’t Brenly bench Sanders at the end of that series for the unforgettable Danny Bautista?

I love these weird statistics that no one can imagine researching. The Chron this morning said that Finley joined Willie today as the only players with 300 HR’s, 300 SB’s 100 Triples and 425 Doubles. Get real.

Barry is the only one of the 6 who reached 350-350. Maybe Finley or Sanders will get there, though it seems unlikely. OK, if you read this far, let me give you one great piece of trivia you’ll enjoy. I guarantee it. Here it is: Reggie Sanders’ middle name is Laverne. I hope that was worth waiting for.

It's A Boy!

Sour Grapes contends it knows nothin’ ‘bout birthin’ no babies; however, at 12:05 this morning, our son, Larry Dot Net, was born.

Now there are regular readers of this blog who know for a fact that Larry Dot Net has been around for a long time. They’ve been the daily and more than daily recipients of the late afternoon cell phone login which begins, “Hey, buddy!” The interface usually includes poker references, BABI rule change proposals, Diebold complaints, and for the period that Dot Net was out of work, Robert in the background. These daily moments simultaneously make your day and ruin it.

But that was the old, amateur Larry Dot Net. Born in the early hours this morning was the new and improved and online incarnation of Larry Dot Net, kind of a Larry Dot Net Dot Net. In fact, that’s a much better name for the blog than Statistically Speaking, , Baseball, That Is. And what’s with the extra comma? Is that one of the statistics?

Larry Dot Net is the second son of the Peckler Boys, Kenny 9 having dipped his toe in the water at the beginning of this baseball season. We notice that Kenny 9’s interest in his blog reached new heights when he suddenly perceived he wasn’t looking up at the rest of BABI. His start was tentative, but he came out of the incubator and is breathing well on his own, allowing us to focus our attention on our new baby.

Daddy is so proud. We know that if Larry Dot Net puts the same energy and enthusiasm into this online venture as he has in driving his current subscribers crazy, we’re going to be in for quite a ride. And for those of you dying to know the current line, the over/under on number of posts before he mentions Diebold is 2.5.

We do have a couple of complaints already. First, our link doesn’t work. Larry, you’ve got "http://" in there twice. Second, get that Google News link out of there, or at least put it after our link. Hey, who’s your daddy?

We present to you all, our new son. The bris is scheduled for next Friday. For now, have a cigar.

That is the Question

When I was a senior in high school, I had Grace Sullivan for AP English. Mrs. Sullivan was an old bat, (sorry Barry), the only teacher in high school that I couldn’t stand. I’m pretty sure she’s long dead now, and good riddance.

You all should be nice to me, because as you can see, I carry a grudge for a long time.

We spent about a month studying Hamlet with Mrs. Sullivan. We discussed every page and virtually every line. I remember that I wrote an essay on the AP exam about a locket kept by Hamlet’s mother with side-by-side pictures of her two husbands. I thought it was a pretty good answer about how an inanimate object was a symbol (ok, it was a Freudian symbol) in a story, but in the aftermath discussion of the test, Mrs. Sullivan thought what I wrote was stupid. So, how’s the air down there 6 feet under, Gracie?

As I said, I carry a grudge for a long time.

Anyway, Hamlet spent the better part of that month we studied him figuring out what to do. It seems to me we’re seeing a lot of that kind of stewing in blog-related matters right now.

Let’s start with our Giants. They’ve pretty much sucked since my last blog entry. They lost 3 of 4 to the lowly Pirates, and lest we forget, they should have lost that first game too, which demonstrated how lowly the Pirates really are. The G men can’t hit much, and other than Schmidt, their pitching is pretty inconsistent. And given the age of the team, they’re not really getting any better.

The Giants face the same question that the Pickled Pecklers (and about half the BABI teams) face: to be or not to be, this year. Are we going for it or are we finally starting to dismantle this decrepit old cast of characters?

I know what choice the Giants want to make. They have to sell those seats next year, year #1 when the prices are going way up. Our seat is jumping from $40 to $70 (after the rate increase limit expired). The Colonel is going to get a bill for $11,340 in a few months. Suddenly the field club is pretty nice, with a nice bar, and flat screen TVs and decent food stands. They need us to re-up for another 7 years term, and if they throw in the towel like Kevin did yesterday (first of a few digs here, Kevin) it might not sell too well.

In the middle of this essay, one of my inside baseball sources, Mr. Coffee (not that one) stopped in. He said the KNBR morning guys were talking about Sabean today. Apparently Sabes is trying to pull off a deal for hitting. Everyone on the Marlins is available, including a quick fix for every team: Miggy Cabrera. They are also talking to the Pirates about Craig Wilson. I can’t believe Sabean actually said these things out loud (seems like tampering), but Cabrera would be the beginning of a whole new era. That boy can play.

But the question remains, what can the Giants do to get a guy like that? What have they got to deal to dumping teams? They’ve got a bunch of old guys with big contracts, and bunch of young guys who aren’t very good, one very tradable guy they can’t trade if they want to win (Schmidt-Sabean says he’s the only non-tradable player) and one interesting, valuable prospect they always swore they wouldn’t move (Cain-Sabean says he’s suddenly tradable). And they’ve got garbage on the farm. Alas poor Canoodler, I knew him well.

The Pickled Ones know how the Marlins feel as we are getting dump queries. Hey, we’re stuck in 10th place, with a grand total of 7 hitting points. We’re no higher than 11th in any hitting category. Boof is wishfully thinking that Kevin’s desperation dump yesterday for $20 David Wright will make all of the dump deals completely one sided, and as the season goes on, it will get worse.

We don’t care. We hate dumping. There isn’t much we can do because we just can’t fix our hitting much, but we’re not giving up. We’re willing to play for 6th place. As the Giants well know, it’s fun to play for this year and it’s not fun to play for next year. And there will always be time to play for next year when you have serious players to dump like Carlos Lee and Scott Rolen and Raffy Furcal and Ryan Dempster. After all, despite Kenny 9’s protestations, there are teams that want to win this year, and deals will have to be made.

Like the Pecklers, the Giants are better designed to be a dumper and not a dumpee. There have got to be teams who would take Schmidt and Alou and Finley and Winn and maybe even Durham and Feliz and Matheny and Wright. Who knows, someone might take Buttmondo (Kenny 9 says when you Google Buttmondo, only his blog comes up. Cool.) Maybe some AL team would even take Barry.

Like the Giants and unlike the Marlins, the Pecklers aren’t dumping yet. That said, Tom Glavine and his 9 wins are available. All you have to do is give us a hitter who will help us more than Xavier Nady. (Has anyone in BABI not received a call from Boof about him?) And Ryan Dempster might be available, too. We’re probably not going anywhere in saves. Got steals for saves? These are not dump moves. These moves are to fix our team a little. Stop treating us like a poor relative.

I hope the Giants keep going for it, too. But like the Pecklers, the Giants need to make one of those dump deals like the Ryan Howard and Richie Weeks and Stephen Drew and geez, even Chris Burke for expensive bums deal that Kenny 9 pulled off earlier in the season to get back into theoretical contention. Does any GM have one of those deals for Sabean? And do any of you BABI guys have one of those deals for us? Remember, we’re email guys.

To be or not to be? We be.

For now.

Jason Grimsley's No WHU

I skipped a few days here, so I’m making it up with a vengeance. Here are a few random notes:

Jason Grimsley and steroids – I really, really, really don’t care.

Except…what bugs me is that the feds who are investigating are from the Internal Revenue Service. Huh? Not the FBI or the FDA or the ATF, but the IRS.

I deal with the IRS for a living. I have never dealt with any part of the IRS that was interested in the use of illegal steroids. But apparently this is not really an investigation of the use of illegal drugs in baseball, but about the distribution of drugs and money laundering of the profits.

Sound familiar? Try Al Capone. They sent him to Alcatraz along with his case of the clap. The IRS can be tough on the criminal side. To paraphrase Mitch McDeere in “The Firm,” it’s not sexy, but it’s got teeth.

They obviously made him sweat some serious beads, enough to name names. Sang like a canary. But he wouldn’t wear a wire to entrap Barry. He’ll never pitch at PacBellSBCAT&T Park, but save a cheer for him for that. Barry is going to have to do himself him.

Brad Penny is a pretty big guy. Is there any chance that he....? Don’t care. But I do care that apparently he’s going out with Alyssa Milano? Here is the proof. That’s Alyssa on the left, not the right.

Speaking of guys who I’ve always assumed were bulking up, Eric Gagne got a save and got hurt. From Fantistics:

Gagne had electric stuff on Tuesday, mixing in a 90mph fastball with his slow 65mph hook, but the good news quickly turned bad on Wednesday. The Dodgers announced they will shut-down Gagne for a few days with stiffness in his surgically repaired right elbow. The MRI revealed some swelling in the nerve.

Gagne used to throw 99. Where did he get that speed from? And since when did 90 mph become electric? Schmidt had electric stuff on Tuesday, mixing 94 mph fastballs with nasty breaking slow stuff. I’m still on the “he’s never going to be great again” bandwagon. Anyone want to trade us Saito?

This in from Larry Dot Net:

Wednesday was not a good day to own any pitcher named O. Perez. And it was a TERRIBLE day to own both pitchers named O. Perez. As an owner who's had a few 9 spots hung up on his team this year, I think a moment of silence is in order for . . . The Bleacher Bums. The combined line:

.IP…..H…..ER…..BB
6.0….17…..16……5

That’s no Bullinger. That’s beyond a Bullinger to have them both. A new award: the Operez.

Speaking of Bullingers, Tom Glavine almost put up a Bullinger yesterday but still got the win. Those looking for starting pitching….he’s available. He’s leading the major leagues in wins. This advertisement has been brought to you by the Pickled Pecklers.

The Rips got Majewski in a deal with Kenny 9. It’s been reported that when they were balancing the deal, Boof said, “Do I have to take that guy back again?” Kenny 9 – what’s the over/under on the number of times he has Majewski on his roster this season? Majewski is a “WHU.” What’s a whu? He’s a pitcher you can take back in a trade while balancing the roster “won’t hurt you.”

Hangin' with The Colonel

Connie offered me a ticket to yesterday’s Giant game, up in CL232. The good news is the seats are in the sun. The bad news is they are closer to the Sun than they are to home plate.

Meanwhile, the Colonel (not Col. Luis Gonzalez, but Col. Tyree) was kind enough to trek up to the hinterlands and rescue us down to FC109, behind the 1st base dugout. This kind of life or death rescue comes naturally to the Colonel, a man who confirmed that Pete McCloskey was under his command when he ordered those 7 bayonet charges in Korea. When I brought that up, he was naturally modest about it. In fact, after acknowledging the bit of personal history, he didn’t want me to talk about it anymore. Or anything else, for that matter.

Yes, the Colonel is a man of few words, particularly at a sporting event. He is focused on the action, and the traditional peripheral chatter during the pauses (generally long pauses) between the moments of action is just noise to the Colonel. There is always something to concentrate on when you are 13 steps ahead of Felipe Alou.

The Colonel was also at the game Tuesday night, Schmidty’s masterpiece. For those who weren’t there, the Giants led 2-1 going into the ninth. Schmidt had 13 strikeouts and had only given up 5 hits through eight, but Dan Uggla beat out a bunt single which was followed by lined single into center by Mike Jacobs to make it first and second, no outs.

Miguel Cabrera, the NL leader in batting average, stood menacingly at the plate. Schmidt threw his sinking changeup, which went by rookie Eliezer Alfonzo (declared a wild pitch, though Kruk insisted it was a passed ball), and the runners moved up to second and third. In thrilling fashion, Schmidt struck out the side to win the game.

The Colonel was incensed. While everyone was cheering, he was correctly second-guessing the Giants’ defensive scheme, which was NONE. Clearly Schmidt had to try to strike out Cabrera. But with one out, why didn’t Felipe order Willingham (Joshingham?) walked? And if they didn’t choose to walk him, why wasn’t the infield playing in?

In essence, the Colonel concluded that Schmidt was simply ordered to strike out the side while his teammates watched. “Hey Schmidty, nice game, but you lost because you couldn’t strike out the heart of the Marlins’ order.” That’s what Felipe would have offered as a condolence to him. But instead, he made it 16 K’s, tying him with Christy Mathewson for the Giants’ team record. That’s Christy Mathewson who fought in World War One, Christy Mathewson who was one of the original five members voted into the Hall of Fame, Christy Mathewson who had 16 strikeouts in nineteen oh four, only, uhhh, 102 years ago.

Nice outing. All by himself.

It was nice to see the Giants mob Schmidt, not just get in line to give him a high five. It was a fine moment, and in his TV interview after the game, Jason Schmidt was a mensch. He acknowledged the great game pitched against the Giants by rookie Josh Johnson (he was brilliant, and is really going to be something for them). He also gave kudos to the 11 year minor leaguer, his catcher Alfonzo, who made all the pitch calls in the critical ninth. It was a great, warm interview, which was topped yesterday on the Razor and Mr. T show. They had a long interview with him after the game, which was so good they repeated it a couple of hours later. They discussed the team, and pitching strategy, and the state of the team, and everything baseball. Brilliant.

Back to the Colonel. I tried hard to drag him into conversations about baseball trivia, and the Giants and the Marlins (he likes them, a good up and coming team) and the Civil War and bayonet charges, but he would have none of it. You all know how engaging and charming I can be at a game, but the Colonel was focused, 12 steps ahead of me (I’m one ahead of Felipe). He saw it all, just the way he saw it all when he sent ‘ol Pete McCloskey charging up that hill fifty some years ago. If it weren’t for him, we’d be eating a lot more Moo Goo Gai Pan here in the states.

But don’t ask him about it. The man lives in the present, and he’s focused. Like yesterday, when he wondered aloud what Dan Uggla's sister was named.

One of a kind.

Preposterous

Monday night I received the following email:

Bat out of Hell sends Rollins and Borowski to Cartel for Cedeno and Hamels.

That would be Jimmy Rollins (06 contract) and Joe Borowski (08-17) for Ronny Cedeno (07-7X) and Cole Hamels (08F-5).

Mr. Leaguer sent the following message: “Preposterous.”

I got a message like that from him once. We made a deal last year with the Bums in which we gave up Chad Tracy and Lastings Milledge and we got back some guys I can’t remember which included Eric Byrnes. Byrnes hit about minus .148 the rest of the way, costing us at least third, and maybe second place.

We got an email from Mr. Leaguer that said something like “You should be ashamed.”

It actually made me rethink the deal to see if we had raped the Bums that badly. If we had, we would have offered to rework the deal. At the Doc’s suggestion, I called the Old Rip, Boof Brittain, the wheelinest dealinest guy in BABI to see if we had gone too far. He said he didn’t have a problem with the trade.

So we decided not to be ashamed.

But that is what the word of the BABI Lord can do to one’s psyche. So is this deal preposterous?

The Doc and I discussed the deal this morning. What we think is Ronny Cedeno is a very nice young player is doesn’t look like he’s going to be a great fantasy player, at least any time soon. He can hit a bit, but he has little power, and he’s a 15 SB guy right now, not a 30 SB guy. He’s a keeper at 7, but he’s like the 8th or 9th keeper on your team: a nice little piece.

Cole Hamels is quite the package. Some days he’s Nolan Ryan and some days he’s Pete Gray. Do you guys know who Pete Gray was? He was the guy who played outfield for the St. Louis Browns in 1945 (the last of the war years) who only had one arm. This is not to say Hamels only has one arm, but he has got to be the most injury prone prospect ever. Heck, he’s already been on the DL in the majors, and his major league career is shorter than Pete Gray’s was. But there is no arguing: Hamels has serious stuff, as his outing Tuesday suggests.

For these guys, Bats gave up a premier speed guy in Jimmy Rollins and a mediocre closer on the worst team in the NL, Joe Borowski. The Old Bat had just gotten Borowski from Mr. Leaguer for an injured Jon Lieber, so we know what Mr. Leaguer thought of Borowski. He offered Borowski to us via email. Being email guys, we immediately responded, “Is this a joke?”

It’s the other guy, Rollins, who is the key. He’s only hitting .252, but he’s got 13 steals and 6 homers. There is a short list of bona fide stolen base guys who will be available in dump trades this summer. He’s the kind of player who is very valuable in the race, and we think if he had been better marketed would have fetched something more significant as a keeper for next year.

That said, I like Ronny Cedeno and Cole Hamels. They might turn out to be really good players, not just next year, but even this year. But a partial closer and a top steals guy have trade value.

Nothing can be considered preposterous for a while. At the time it was made, the Utley/Coffey for Wagner/P. Wilson deal looked one-sided for the Rips. Now it looks preposterous for the Pounders. Nice deal there, Boof.

I'm Rich!

I got an email today from a law firm today which indicates that my long lost relative has left me a bunch of money. Here is the email:

From: Richard D. Forrester, Esq. (For Trustees)
Managing Partner (Aaron & Partners LLP, Cheshire, England CH1 1HG)

Notification of Bequest.

On behalf of the Trustees and Executor of the estate of Late Engr. Mark Halligan, I once again try to notify you as my earlier letter was returned undelivered. I hereby attempt to reach you again by this same email address on the WILL. I wish to notify you that late Engr. Mark Halligan made you a beneficiary to his will. He left the sum of Nine Million, One Hundred Thousand US Dollars(US$9,100,000.00) to you in the codicil and last testament to his will.

This may sound strange and unbelievable to you, but it is real and true. Being a widely travelled man, he must have been in contact with you in the past or simply you were nominated to him by one of his numerous friends abroad who wished you good. Engr. Mark Halligan until his death was a former managing director and pioneer staff of a giant construction company (JULIUS BERGER). He was a very dedicated Christian who loved to give out. His great philanthropy earned him numerous awards during his life time. Late Engr. Mark Halligan died on the 9th day of February 2004 at the age of 82 years, and his WILL is now ready for execution.

According to him this money is to support your humanitarian activities and to help the poor and the needy. Please If I reach you as I am hopeful, endeavor to get back to me as soon as possible by email: richardd.forrester@personal.ro to enable me conclude my job. You should forward along your current telephone number, including your current mailing address.

I hope to hear from you in no distant time.

Yours in His service,
Richard D. Forrester, Esq.

Isn’t this incredible? I don’t remember good ol’ Mark, but if he wants me to continue my support of humanitarian activities with his money, who am I to say no? Of course, the only philanthropy I tend to conduct is staying a little too long in poker pots with lousy cards.

I figure with the money I get from Engr. Halligan along with the money I’m expecting to hit my account any day from those guys in Nigeria, I’ll be able to quit this tax nonsense and start blogging full time.

Oh happy day.

Rhandom Phantasy Nhotes

Lastings Milledge is up. He’s what, like 13 years old? He’s considered a 32 tool player: hits, hits with power, runs, fields, throws, and owns a complete metric wrench set. Baseball Prospectus 2004 (funnier than the 2005 version) had a great line about him: his names sounds like a Dickens character. We gave him up last year, for among others…

Eric Byrnes. This guy killed us last year, batting something like minus .148 in September. All of a sudden, he’s a all-star, batting .316 with NINE homeruns and six steals. If he had hit like this just for the last two weeks of the season, we would have finished $500 richer.

Freddie Sanchez is hitting .358. What the heck is that all about? He’s playing full time for the Pirates, with 165 at bats so far. He’s always had talent, but you’ve got to assume he’s going to return toward the mean, which is a career…wait a minute. His career BA is .297. Maybe he’s just breaking out at age 28?

And just as I’m looking at the Milwaukee-Pittsburgh box score, Turnbow blew the save with 2 outs in the ninth, as Jose Castillo doubled in the tying run. The winning run is now in scoring position, and Dammit it up. Oh, that’s Doumit.

The Doc really, really liked Alfonso Soriano in the draft. Everyone, including me, was wary of his power in that huge ballpark, and he was whining about playing the outfield, but his speed was a sure thing. He hit homer #19 yesterday, bringing his season totals to 19-38-12-.297. Worth every penny at whatever was paid for him. I wonder where he’ll be next year…how about HERE!!! See ya, Ray Durham.

Dammit singles off Turnbow and wins the game for the Pirates. And the win goes to an obscure pitcher that nobody in the world of fantasy has.

Mike Vento. Isn’t that the size of a latte at Starbucks?

Aaron Rowand is back, and smacked a homer yesterday to celebrate. That was one of the greatest catches I’ve ever seen. A catch that comes with flowing blood must be replayed regularly.

Cory Lidle doesn’t actually suck. His performance so far is just another sign that Mr. Leaguer has forgotten more about baseball than I’ll ever know.

That was an impressive outing by the Cardinals’ bullpen yesterday. Wainright, Izzy and Looper pitched 5 shutout innings, allowing 2 hits, a walk and striking out 7. And the Giants have Scott Munter getting ready to come back any day now.

Ichiro, who I am willing to write about because I consider him to be an honorary NL player, is up to .332, and leads the majors with 77 hits. He’s not all that far off of his record pace.

Chad Hensley is 4-3 with an ERA under 4. He’s a kind of under-the-radar rookie, who has had some superb outings since taking over for the much-maligned Brazleton. He looks like a candidate for trouble the second time around the league, but at a buck, he’s keepable.

Clint Barmes got two hits yesterday to bring his BA in hailing distance of the Mendoza Line. What happened to this guy? He looked like Chase Utley last year until he got hurt.

My all-time favorite TV character was Col. Klink of Hogan’s Heroes. And Col. Klink’s favorite baseball player? That would be Snell, Snell.

Sean Casey hit a homer yesterday, number 3 in only 44 at bats. Last season: 9 homers, 58 RBIs in 529 at bats hitting in the middle of the Cincinnati lineup. It’s got to be the softest .312 in baseball history.

Jason Bay is scorching. He’ll be a big number when he next hits the auction.

Atlanta was under .500 a couple of weeks ago. Suddenly they’re in 2nd in the NL East. That has got to be the best managed franchise around. Wait until Giles, Laroche and Francoeur start to hit.

Zambrano (the good one, for Chi) had another tough loss yesterday. He’s got to be on that list of scary looking pitchers to face. The good news for the Cubbies is Derrick Lee cast off the cast, and is getting ready for his rehab. Not a moment too soon, though they did pick up Phil Nevin yesterday. He won’t hurt them.

Todd Coffey, save #2. Looks like the transition is complete.

What a pitchers’ duel yesterday in NY. Best stat: 13 inning game, complete in 3 hours, 19 minutes. Mets’ bullpen of Wagner (2 IP) and Sanchez (3 IP) gave up only 3 hits and a walk while striking out 4. The Dbacks got 5 scoreless innings from Vizcaino, Lyon, Medders and Julio before Grimsley screwed it up. And the word is Whore Hey Whooleo might be in line for the first chance at replacing Valverde as the closer. Sorry, but he’s never done it before. I don’t believe it. My vote is still Medders.

Going to Lunch.

Back from Lunch. Roast pork sandwich with sautéed onions on a seeded roll with horseradish mayo. Yum.

Miguel Cabrera has 6 steals so far this season. He has already topped his career high of 5. If Cabrera finishes with north of 15 steals, his auction price next season might challenge Pujols’ $59. And if he ever ends up in a hitter’s park like Cincinnati, the sky’s the limit.

Jason Schmidt is back. He struck out 10 before leaving in the sixth with a leg cramp. He is going to be an expensive free agent next season.

Is Jeremy Accardo turning into a pitcher? It looks like Felipe thinks so, because he has become a mainstay of the bullpen. Of course, he doesn’t have much competition, but he’s getting people out, and his ERA is down to 3.00.

I was reading the McCovey Chronicles yesterday. Grant is one funny guy, the kind of guy it would be a blast to sit next to at a game. Here is a comment he made about the Giants’ game against the Marlins a couple of days ago:

“After watching teams trip over themselves to walk Bonds in situations where Jeff Kent, Ellis Burks, or Moises Alou was waiting behind them, the Giants were content to pitch to Cabrera without any reasonable protection behind him. I'm never a fan of walking the bases loaded, but after Cabrera, the Marlins were sending up Joe Willingham. Wait, no, Will Joshingham. Something like that. Maybe it was Todd Dunwoody. I can't remember.”

Will Joshingham. I bid 2. I’d go higher if it was Brandon Joshingham.

Check out his open game threads. Guys with nothing better to do sit and chat about the game they are watching. Clearly they have no life, but they don’t seem to have a problem with that. But they are funny.

Finally, Jamid Haad, suspended 50 days. You mean that was how he hit when he’s on the juice? Apparently baseball has had it with Haad.